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WARNING... Most jokes could be considered offensive by some people. MarkThiSpot.com is not responsible if you are offended in any way. Jokes are here for your entertainment only!
Enter at your own risk!
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles. 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens. 11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast. 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along. 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!" 15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department. 16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive. 17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store. 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. 19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!" 20. Put M&M's on layaway. 21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles. 24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave." 26. TP as much of the store as possible. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. 29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover." 31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples) 32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men. 33. Take bets on the battle from above. 34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics. 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible. 36. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible. 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies." 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 42. Two words: Marco Polo 43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc. 44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's. 45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels. 46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again." 49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time. 50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. *BONUS* 1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without getting kicked out. 2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make. 20 Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmate 2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have
put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody
breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold." 5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My
glass eye!" 6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color
before." 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds
and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh
relaxingly. 8. Say, "Now how did that get
there?" 9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of
humus." 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew.
Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,
"Whoa! Easy boy!" 11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters
than sinkers." 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut
butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your
neighbor. Then say, "Oops, could you kick that back over here please?" 13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall
asleep on me." 14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush
into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit
impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about.
Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast. 15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a
maggot." 16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole
was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?" 17. Play a well known drum cadence over and
over again on your butt cheeks. 18. Before you unroll toilet paper,
conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on
the floor visible to the adjacent stall. 19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall
wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!" 20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free". Back To Joke Page. How to be Annoying and/or Stupid 1. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green,
and insist to others that you "like it that way."
2. Drum on every available surface.
3. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of
being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
4. Sing the Batman theme song incessantly.
5. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
6. Ask 800 operators for dates.
7. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy
warnings.
8. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
9. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
10. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Set alarms for random times.
13. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in
public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
14. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the
flavor off.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
16. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
17. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo,
with the volume properly adjusted.
18. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking"
noise.
19. Honk and wave to strangers.
20. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
21. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
22. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts
of rental movies.
23. Wear your pants backwards.
24. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complementarymints by the cash register.
25. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
26. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's
"Metal Machine Music".
27. Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
28. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
29. only type in lowercase.
30. dont use any punctuation either
31. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute
whole streets.
32. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
33. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
34. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
35. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of
someone'sroadmaps.
36. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy
assasination/UFO/ OJSimpson conspiracy theories.
37. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear
that?""What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
38. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
39. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their
parsley.
40. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
41. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
42. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
43. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
44. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells"
until physically restrained.
45. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
46. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
47. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
48. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
49. Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya
know, Lamb Chops?)
50. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
51. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
52. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the
bottom of yourchin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
53. Drive half a block.
54. Name your dog "Dog."
55. Name yaur cat "Cat" or Kitty."
56. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
57. Ask people what gender they are.
58. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU
think."
59. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie
partsback in the tray.
60. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
61. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener
it was a "real hoot."
62. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the
curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
63. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they
touch with a can of Lysol.
64. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in
co-worker's brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogerstheme song.
65. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
66. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
67. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
68. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
69. Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry
foralt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
70. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars
to seeif they slow down.
71. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
72. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if
people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
73. Wear a LOT of cologne.
74. Ask to "interface" with someone.
75. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster
speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
76. Sing along at the opera.
77. Mow your lawn with scissors.
78. At a golf tournament, chant
"swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
79. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy."
80. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary
friend."
81. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
82. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble
theiranswers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological
profiles."
83. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket
isn' t cricket."
84. Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic
picture."
85. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
86. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
87. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences,
producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying
more any moment.
88. Never make eye contact.
89. Never break eye contact.
90. Shave your head because someone told you to in school.
91. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
92. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people
with it, announcing the results.
93. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in
a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
94. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
95. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
96. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
The lady walked up to the
policeman and said, 'Officer, that man on the corner is annoying me.'
HOW TO DRIVE PEOPLE INSANE (This is especially effective if your
boss is the opposite gender.) 10 Things that Piss me off! 1.
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I
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