Features User Tips for HUSBAND 1.0, upgrade from Boyfriend
6.0 to Husband 1.0, Introducing FeMail! On completion of a
process, Husband 1.0 will often inadvertently apply the sleep
command, or suspend system activity with a Ctrl ZZ. There is
nothing you can do in this case, but leave the program and try
There are alot of pressures
to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make
sure you understand the implications of this change...
For one, system activity
will be severely limited and you will be compelled to instigate rigorous
daily routines in space management, garbage disposal and disc cleaning
often with an accompanying increase in system administration. This program
can also be a drain on many resources and demand constant attention. You
will encounter an increased amount of interrupts and error messages, while
the program often cancels processes without warning, very often crashing
In addition, Husband 1.0
often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to be
running processes which you have not authorized. If this happens alot, do
not respond to any interactive requests from the program and severely
limit demand for extra bytes.
Every evening there will be
a huge surge in demand for megabytes and if not satisfied, the process
will become unresponsive and has been known on occasion to damage
Every so often you will be
promised a new release of the program, but unfortunately, upon loading
this new release, it is generally found to be almost identical to the old
one, with very few feature changes and most of the same old annoying bugs
which you were undoubtedly promised would notbe there in the new release.
Put up with it or discontinue use entirely.
Husband 1.0 is a flawed
program; many of the bugs are so deeply encoded that, even if they can be
located, they are impossible to eradicate and have to be tolerated.
Husband 1.0 will frequently
make use of low level language and may not understand higher level
commands so you must be prepared to use basic functions when required.
Often a few robust algorithms in handshaking mode will produce a good
After a while, Husband 1.0
has a tendency to take up more space than originally allocated, often
spreading in size and slowing down correspondingly. If this happens, be
very careful as there is increased risk of complete system failure. Around
this time, Husband 1.0 will also tend to lose bits from the top of the
stack, although these will often multiply and be found lower down the
Another problem with this
program is that Husband 1.0 can also spawn unknown child processes, which
can sometimes inadvertently appear, make huge demands on the program and
force unwanted interaction with old versions of 1.nightstand.
Sometimes, Husband 1.0 will
end a process prematurely, before you have the required result. This
generally results in spawned processes scattered over your system which
must be located and removed. More often than not, however, Husband 1.0
will appear to take an inordinately long time to complete a relatively
simple process. While waiting for tedious processes to complete you may
find it useful to distract yourself by perusing manuals for alternative
programs, Stud 2.0 or Lover 6.9
On completion of a process,
Husband 1.0 will often inadvertently apply the sleep command, or suspend
system activity with a Ctrl ZZ. There is nothing you can do in this case,
but leave the program and try again later.
Ultimately, as the program
becomes older, it will become more difficult to produce hardcopy, and you
will find that most of you work ends up on floppies. In addition, you will
be needing software support more often than you'd like. If and when this
happens, try to find a copy of Toyboy 1.1. Make sure you have used Ctrl ZZ
on Husband 1.0 before loading Toyboy 1.1 and, of course, check for viruses
before using any new program. Toyboy 1.1 should come with new hardware
which can be plugged into any of your ports.
This new product will
reduce your communications needs considerably. Its intuitive interactions
will often leave you scratching your head in wonder. From your minimal
communications with this package, it will quickly presume who your friends
are (and even what their habits are), who you should be communicating with
in order to advance your career, and let you know continually whether you
are communicating effectively with the FeMail itself.
You may find that FeMail
reduces your unecessary communications with friends and associates. Your
FeMail will intercept incoming communications from all sources and make a
determination as to whether or not they should be relayed to you. The
FeMail is especially thorough when examining messages from other FeMail
systems. These messages will be examined for intent as well as content.
Messages that are received
from other Mails will be scanned for intention by your FeMail. Any
messages that will reduce your productivity at home or at the office
(invitations to bars or parties, where the FeMail may lose contact with
you for more than two hours for example) will be delivered to you only
after they can no longer be acted upon. A true productivity increase is
then possible, and your FeMail will even help your decide how to use this
spare time to attend to maintenance issues.
In fact, you may find that
the FeMail methods are far beyond your comprehension. Often times the
FeMail responses you receive will be 180 degrees different than the
direction you thought you were heading. In every case though, you will be
compelled to agree with the decisions that your FeMail makes. Most areas
where a FeMail is installed find that agreeing with the FeMail is easier
than attempting to justify opposing logic.
The FeMail package includes
modules for Cognitive Interpretation, Intuition, Presumptions, Innuendos
(even some you may not realize), Inflection, and Encryption. (The
encryption package is particularly effective, allowing other mails
absolutely no chance of interpreting
interchanges between two FeMails).
You will find yourself
becoming dependent on the interactions that a FeMail makes possible. Once
the FeMail begins working in your daily activities, you may find yourself
changing certain actions to avoid conflicting with the FeMail suggestions.
The FeMail is extremely
comprehensive, and provides only for a single user interface in most
cases. The instructions included with your FeMail indicates that it may
interact openly with other Mails in a conversational mode, but that you
should never interact with someone
elses FeMail, even in a conversational mode, and most certainly not in an
interactive mode. The FeMail communications links have demonstrated an
ability to intuit these actions even if you believe your FeMail would be
unaware of the interaction. Continued interaction with FeMails that are
not your own will be considered a security violation, and you may find
yourself cutoff from interaction with your own FeMail.
Because of the complexity
and high-level of interface required, there are certain times (based
roughly on a lunar month) when your FeMail system may behave erratically.
During this particular cycle, your interactions with the FeMail should be
monitored closely, and offensive or interpretive language removed. The
FeMail may misinterpret even simple communications efforts during this
short time. This is an unavoidable problem that the FeMail has endured
since its inception, and we are still attempting to overcome this minor
Should a misinterpretation
occur, your FeMail will store the data indefinitely, and only recall the
misinterpretation when it can loosely associate it with other facts not
necessarily related to the communications process. You will find these
recollections and associations puzzling, but they all contribute to the
operation of the FeMail system.
Obtain Femail today, and
you will be surprised at the changes it will make in your life!!!!