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MarkThiSpot.com, Features Blond, Brunette & just Dumb jokes,  Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?

A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

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Back To Joke Page.

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The blonde confided that she really liked her new boyfriend, but he had terrible dandruff.

"Give him Head and Shoulders," said her brunette friend.

The blonde looked puzzled and then asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"


Back To Joke Page.

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section.  She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats.  Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.


The flight  attendant  checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy.  The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the  way to New York."


Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem.  The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy.  Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and  beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."


The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot.  The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend and that he can take care of the problem.
He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear.


She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. 

 

The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.  He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York".


Back To Joke Page.

Three guys are debating who has the best memory.

First guy says, "I can remember the first day of my First Grade class."

Second guy says, "I can remember my first day at Nursery School!"

Not to be outdone, the third guy says, "Hell, that's nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother."

Back To Joke Page.


Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

 Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are infinancial trouble.

 In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch,they need to

 purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

 The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600

 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon

 leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the

 bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me with the trailer and haul it

 home."  The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides

 she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no

 less! After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a

 telegram to tell her the news.  She walks into the telegraph office, and says,

 "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I bought the bull for our ranch. I need

her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it

home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then

adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."  Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.

 She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

 After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send

 her the word, 'comfortable'."  The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know

 that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive

out  here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you only send her the word,

 'comfortable'?"  The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She reads very slowly.

 


Back To Joke Page.

A blond walks into a bar and says "I'll have a Coors Lite."

The bartender gives her one, she passes out and all the guys in the bar drag her into the back and have their way with her.

The next night she walks in an orders a Coors Lite. She passes out and all the guys in the bar drag her into the back and have their way with her.

The next night she walks in and says, "Iíll have a Miller Lite."

The bartender looks up and asks "Why aren't you ordering a Coors Lite this time?"

She looks back at him and says "It makes my pussy sore."


Back To Joke Page.

394 Blonde Jokes

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?

A: Alone.

3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

A2: By doing the splits.

7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?

A: Nothing. They've never met.

9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A1: She'd just dyed her hair.

A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around

too much.

12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?

A: An IN-body experience!

18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?

A: Shine a torch in her ears.

20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It takes too long to retrain them.

21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's writing on the white-out.

22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?

A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!


Back To Joke Page.

Three women work in the same office with the same female boss. Everyday,
they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that,
when the boss left, they'd be right behind her.
After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening and went to bed early.

 

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa
before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a
muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and
was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!! Ever so gently, she
closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving
early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.
"NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"

 


Back To Joke Page.

26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?

A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?

A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?

A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those

little packages.

30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?

A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?

A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?

A: To put their feet through.

35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?

A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"


Back To Joke Page.

43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?

A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?

A: Has that blonde gone yet?

A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?

A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?

A: Because they can spell it.

47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in

effect in Canada)

A: Because they can spell it.

48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?

A: 69 plus G.S.T.

49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First.

50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?

A: Tits Go In Front.

51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

A: An interpreter.

52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

A: A mental block.

53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?

A1: Blow in her ear.

A2: Buy her another beer.

54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?

A: "Have another beer."

55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?

A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

A1: Introduces themself.

A2: Walks home.


Back To Joke Page.

65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?

A: Because everybody gets a turn.

A: So they know when to stop having sex!

71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A: "Thanks for the refill!"

72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?

A: Data transfer.

74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?

A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering

what she did with her pencil.

75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading

her nametag) ?

A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?

A1: Because they don't know any better.

A2: They are easier to keep amused.

77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: "What's a lightbulb?"

A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?

A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"


Back To Joke Page.

79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A: A wine cellar.

80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?

A: Peroxide.

81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

A: They're doing research on black holes.

85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?

A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

A: A dope ring.

89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart

blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.

Who picks it up?

A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,

the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth

Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum

wrapper.


Back To Joke Page.

90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?

A: To see what was on the other side.

91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?

A: So they know what day of the week it is.

93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?

A: Because it kept falling out.

94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?

A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the

ground first?

A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up!

97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?

A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?

A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?

A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.


Back To Joke Page.

102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?

A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

103. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?

A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

105. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?

A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

107. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of

York?

A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?

A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

114. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?

A: They both have black roots.


Back To Joke Page.

116. Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

A2: Don't tell her to swallow.

A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

117. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool?

A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

118. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

119. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?

A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.

A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.

120. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?

A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?

A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.


Back To Joke Page.

122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer?

A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..

I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.

124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?

A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?

A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

A: She threw it off a cliff.

129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?

A: She drowns it.

130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw

puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?

A: "Nice tits!"


Back To Joke Page.

132. Q: How does a blonde high-5?

A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

135. Q: Why do blondes have legs?

A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.

A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.

A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

138. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

139. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked

up by "the fuzz"?

A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."

141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?

A: Frosted Flakes.

142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

A: Frosted Flakes.

143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?

A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

144. Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and

a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?

A: Because they always burn their nipples.

148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?

A: She kept having affairs with men!

149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?

A: To cover up the valve stem.

150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

A: Spot.


Back To Joke Page.

A young blonde, who had just started her first secretarial job, is handed

 a thermos and directed to go out for coffee at the nearby coffee shop.

 When the counterman finally notices her, she holds up the thermos.

 "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" she asks.

 The counterman looks at the thermos. "I guess so. It looks like about six

 cups to me."

 "Great," she says. "Give me two regulars, three blacks, and a decaf."


Back To Joke Page.

151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

A: A Space Invader.

152. Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?

A: Air Supply.

153. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?

A: The back of her head.

154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?

A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?

A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

156. Q: Why did God create blondes?

A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why did God create brunettes?

A: Neither could the blondes.

157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

A: Branch Manager.

158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.

159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell

if they're going to work or coming home.

160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

A: A blonde electrician.

161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

A1: So brunettes can remember them.

A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

A3: So men can understand them.


Back To Joke Page.

162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?

A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A1: A golden retriever.

A2: A labrador.

A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

164. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

165. Q: Why do blondes have periods?

A: They deserve them.

167. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?

A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

168. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?

A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

169. Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?

A: She liked to be filled with cream.

170. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?

A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

171. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?

A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

172. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?

A: By the ears.

173. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip

cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.


Back To Joke Page.

  A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and 

 one  night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.

 With  his dummy on his knee,  he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes

  when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts  shouting:

 "I've heard enough of  your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think

 you  can stereotype women  that way? What does the color of a person's

 hair  have to do with her  worth as a human being? It's guys like you who

 keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community

and from reaching our full potential as a person...because you and your

 kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but

 women in general...and all in the name of humor!" The ventriloquist is

 embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay

 out of  this, mister! I'm  talking to that little bastard sitting on your

 knee!"


Back To Joke Page.

174. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?

A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

175. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

A: Proofreading.

176. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

A: For throwing out the W's.

177. Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

178. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

A: Last year's hide and seek champ.

179. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?

A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

180. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of

sly pygmies?

A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.

181. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?

A: One's a busy ditch.

182. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?

A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.


Back To Joke Page.

183. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?

A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a

blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

184. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

185. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

186. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

187. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,

and a blonde?

A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"

The nympho says, "Are you done already?"

The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

A: Tell her she's pregnant.

Q: What will she ask you?

A: "Is it mine?"

189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

A: An air bag.

191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?

A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.


Back To Joke Page.

192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn the blinker off.

193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

194. Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech,

varoom...screech, varoom...screech.....?

A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing

red light.

195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to

death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?

A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in

her forehead.

199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?

A: She can't say "No".

200. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?

A: Retardo.

201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

A: A visitor.


Back To Joke Page.

202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?

A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?

A: Perri-air.

206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?

A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?

A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?

A: The Air Pump!

210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

A: Because she got an F in sex.


Back To Joke Page.

212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?

A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?

A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?

A2: I don't know.

R: Neither did she.

214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

A: She missed.

215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see

where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.

216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw

a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,

she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said

"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she

had cleaned 43 restrooms.

217. How about the suicide blonde,

she dyed by her own hand.


Back To Joke Page.

218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette

says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops,

looks up, and says, "Where?"

219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the

wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the

people were leaving.

222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:

Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of

them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing

a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?

Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem?

Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and

we all fell and hurt ourselves.


Back To Joke Page.

224. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?

He wanted to know who the other man was...

225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a

redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the

mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm

going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got

really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too

tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made

it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here

and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more

endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even

got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I

think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten

miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just

in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

226. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when

the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull

you finger out, I'll sink?"

227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down

and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks

and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No.

Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one

half hour later they were both killed by a train.


Back To Joke Page.

229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of

their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting

to rain and the top is down!

230. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird
flying

overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over

her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that

would've hit me right in the face!!!"

Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."

231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly

Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into

Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.

The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"

"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter

Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me!

Andy tells me..."

232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out

a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it

was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...

233. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":

"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"


Back To Joke Page.

234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the

bartender:

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."

Bartender:"What is a B and C?".

Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."

Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."

Bartender: "What's a G and T?"

Redhead: "Gin and tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."

Bartender: "What's a 15?"

Blonde: "7 and 7"

235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they

just don't remember who with.

236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw

a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver

blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like

that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied "I

know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."

237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the

slogan "Billions Served - just today"


Back To Joke Page.

238. Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.

A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her

pencil.

239. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?

A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

240. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?

A: An air bag.

241. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?

A: It's too hard to re-train them.

242. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.

A: Their heels.

243. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?

A: They don't know the route.

244. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?

A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

245. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

246. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?

A: Thirty minutes of begging.

247. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?

A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

248. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?

A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.

A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

250. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless

Ming vase?

A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."


Back To Joke Page.

251. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?

A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

252. Q: How do you plant dope?

A: Bury a blonde.

254. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

A: Wave to her.

255. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?

A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

256. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?

A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

257. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?

A: A know-it-all bitch.

258. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a

skinny blonde?

A: One's a phony buck.

259. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and

a magician?

A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

260. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?

A: One that never misses a period.

261. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?

A: An Italian suppository.

265. Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?

A: She was having sunny periods.


Back To Joke Page.

266. Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?

A: Her feet!

267. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?

A: When she farts, her knees bag.

268. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?

A: Marriage.

269. Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?

A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

270. Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?

A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

271. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: You don't. They're born that way.

272. Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down?

A: Marry her.

273. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.

274. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

275. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?

A: She has a checkbook.

276. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it.

277. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.


Back To Joke Page.

278. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with

PMS?

A: Lipstick.

280. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??

A: Because they can understand them.

281. Q: Why do blondes like lightning?

A: They think someone is taking their picture.

282. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a

flat forehead?

A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

283. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?

A: From eating with forks.

284. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?

A: From dating blonde men.

286. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?

A: Wishful Thinking.

287. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?

A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

288. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?

A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

289. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?

A1: They can't remember the number.

A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

290. Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?

A: A brunette with bad breath.

291. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?

A: Reservations.

292. Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?

A: They pull up their pants.


Back To Joke Page.

293. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?

A: Air bubbles.

295. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?

A: A waste.

296. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?

A: An air mattress.

297. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?

A: Divorcee'

298. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?

A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks,

four bucks.

299. Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

300. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?

A: A brain tumor.

301. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?

A: Two brunettes.

303. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?

A: To see what was on the other side.

304. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?

A: Too many blondes were drowning.

305. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?

A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

306. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said

"DON'T WALK".

307. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?

A: In case she locks the keys in her car.


Back To Joke Page.

308. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

309. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?

A: Because she loved children.

310. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,

who would die first?

A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to

stop and ask for directions.

311. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade 4.

312. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?

A: Third Grade.

314. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.

315. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?

A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

316. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?

A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

317. Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?

A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

319. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:

"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"

A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

320. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?

A: It swells at night.

321. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.

She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"

A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"


Back To Joke Page.

322. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should

cut it in six or twelve pieces.

A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

325. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents

occur around the home?

A: She moved.

326. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A: A blonde parade.

327. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

328. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her

husband's car?

A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.

She told me she didn't know how to cook them.

330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In

the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor

wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out

"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would

like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked

to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was

somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said

she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this

down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying

sod across the street.


Back To Joke Page.

331. Did you hear about the blonde who:

1 had more on her body than on her mind?

2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?

3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?

5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?

6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?

8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy

cat?

10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller

girls?

11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

12 brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

332. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the

arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just

know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was

on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a

boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says,

"Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"

333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal

checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the

baby concieved ?"

"He was on top ", she replyed.

"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.

"I was on top ", was the reply.

"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.

"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.

"Am I going to have puppies ?".....

335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"

referred to her ears?

336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.

337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out

at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes

off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter,

she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"


Back To Joke Page.

339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display

and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."

"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.

"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."

342. Blonde Medical Terminology

Anally -- occurring yearly

Artery -- study of paintings

Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria

Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails

Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U

Caesarian section -- district in Rome

Cat scan -- searching for kitty

Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her

Colic -- sheep dog

Coma -- a punctuation mark

Congenital -- friendly

D&C -- where Washington is

Diarrhea -- journal of daily events

Dilate -- to live long

Enema -- not a friend

Fester -- quicker

Fibula -- a small lie

Genital -- non-Jewish

G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game

Grippe -- suitcase

Hangnail -- coathook

Impotent -- distinguished, well known

Intense pain -- torture in a teepee

Labour pain -- got hurt at work

Medical staff -- doctor's cane

Morbid -- higher offer

Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate

Node -- was aware of

Outpatient -- person who had fainted

Pap smear -- fatherhood test

Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis

Post operative -- letter carrier

Protein -- favouring young people

Rectum -- damn near killed 'em

Recovery room -- place to do upholstery

Rheumatic -- amorous

Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf

Secretion -- hiding anything

Seizure -- Roman emperor

Serology -- study of knighthood

Tablet -- small tablet

Terminal illness -- sickness at airport

Tibia -- country in North Africa

Tumour -- an extra pair

Urine -- opposite of you're out

Varicose -- located nearby

Vein -- conceited


Back To Joke Page.

343. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?

A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little

packet.

344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?

A: Blow in her ear.

345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?

A: To keep her ankles warm.

A2: To keep her neck warm

346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?

A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what

she did with her cigarette.

349. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

350. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: To keep from bruising their ears.

352. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?

A: So guys will talk to them at parties.

353. Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?


A: Rebel without a clue.

354. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?

A: Full.

355. Imitation of a blonde refuelling..

(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)

356. Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES?

A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.


Back To Joke Page.

359. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL 10 BLONDES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL?

A: AIR POCKETs.

360. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?

A: They're too hard to peel.

361 Q: What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute

and her four blonde friends?

A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four

bucks.

362. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain

surgery on a blonde?

A: "Space. The final frontier......"

363. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire

Bengals team?

A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.

364. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?

A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

366. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?

A: So she could keep the refriderator cold.

367. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the

Toronto Maple Leafs?

A: She fell out of the tree.

368 Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?

A: A thought.

369. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?

A: One.

370. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?

A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

373 Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?

A: Divorced.

374. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that

her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and

Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,

"How do you give shoulders?"

375. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?

Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.

376. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?

A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the

blow dryer!


Back To Joke Page.

378 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?

A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

379. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her

lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?

"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"

381. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?

A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

383. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?

A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

384. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The vegetable garden.

385. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?

A: One.

387. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?

Blonde: I don't know. Why?

Teller: It was easier to spell.

Blonde: Easier than what?

388. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?

A: She liked kids...

389 Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?

A: Far-from-thinkin

390 Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?

A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

391 Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?

A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

392 A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?

She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the

Hymenlick Manuever.

393 Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?

A: She missed the Earth!

394 Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?

A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.


Back To Joke Page.

A bloke walks up to a bar with a big ostrich behind him, and as he
sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The barman comes
over, regarding the trio with some curiosity, and says, "What'll it
be?"

The man says, "I'll have a pint", and turns to the ostrich, "what's
yours?" "I'll have a pint as well" says the ostrich. Bloke looks at
the cat, and says "I suppose you want a drink too." The cat replies,
"I'll have a half, but I ain't payin'!"

So the barman pulls two and a half pints, and says "That'll be three
pounds forty, please."

The man reaches into his pocket, feels around, and, to the barman's
surprise, pulls out exactly the three-forty in change.

A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the exact
amount out of the same pocket. The next day, the man, the ostrich, and
the cat return to the same bar.

"I'll have a pint," says the man.

"Same for me," says the ostrich, and the cat orders up a half... "But
I ain't payin'!"

Repeat of yesterday.=A0 The bloke pays each time with the exact amount
from his pocket. This becomes almost a regular routine until, late one
evening, the trio enters again. "The same?" asks the barman.

"Well", says the man, "it's close to last orders. I'll have a large
scotch." He turns to the ostrich enquiringly. The bird says, "I'll
have a large scotch as well." The cat says, "I'll have a small
scotch... but I ain't payin'!"

The barman rings up the drinks and turns, with a sly grin, "that'll be
seven pounds twenty, please."

To his amazement, the man pulls the exact seven & twenty out of his
pocket.=A0 As the trio are finishing their drinks, the barman can
contain his curiosity no longer. "Excuse me, sir, but before you leave
there's something I must know...how do you manage to always come up
with the exact change out of your pocket... every time?"

"Well", says the man, "it's a long story. But basically, several years
ago I took care of an old lady well into her nineties, and when she
died,she left me her old house. Nothing special, but as I was cleaning
out the attic, I found an old lamp, and when I rubbed it, this genie
appeared and offered me two wishes."

"That's fantastic", says the barkeep, "What did you wish for?" "Well,
if I ever need to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket
and the right money will always be there."

That's brilliant" says the barman, "most people would wish for a
million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live."

That's right, whether it is a quart of milk or even a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there. The best thing I ever did!"

As he turns to go, the barman calls him back and says, "One last
thing, sir... err, your friends there... we don't get many cats or
ostriches drinking' in 'ere...?" The man looks glum. "Yes, I
know.That's probably the worst thing I ever did, but I'm stuck with
'em. You see,for my second wish from the genie, I asked for a chick
with long legs and a tight pussy.


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A blond had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she
cut off a truck driver.  He motioned for her to pull over.

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his
pocket.  He drew a circle an the road and told the blonde "stand in the
circle and DON'T MOVE!"

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.  When he turned
around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's
funny.  Watch this."

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.  He is getting
really mad.

He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.  Now she is laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to loose it.  He goes back to his truck
and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.  He turns
around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.  She replied, "when
you weren't looking I stepped outside the circle four times."


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Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven.  St. Peter

 tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple

 question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"

 The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November

 when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."

"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde

 the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, 

"Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree,

exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

 St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells

 her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde

 and asks, "What is Easter?"  The third blonde smiles confidently and 

looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

 "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

 "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish

 celebration of Passover.  Jesus and his disciples were eating at

 the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to

 the Romans by one of his disciples.  The Romans took him to

 be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a

 crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through

 his hands.  He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed

 off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

 The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved

 aside so that Jesus can come out...  and, if he sees his shadow,

 there will be six more weeks of winter."


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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these

 blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides

 to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

 While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going

 to paint a couple of rooms in the house.The next day, right after her husband

 leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

 Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive

 smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the

 floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at

 the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He

 asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that

 hot all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

 He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

 She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they

 said.... "FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

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