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A tourist in Vienna is going through a
graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts
searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves
the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they
return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again
backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being
played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the
9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
the music.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's
just decomposing!"
Two men were walking home after a
Halloween party and
decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for
laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were
startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty
shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and
chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his
breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a
ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my
name!"
10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY ON HALLOWEEN,
BUT AREN'T
1. So... What did you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks.
5. I got the best piece from that house.
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling.
8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use two hands.
9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed but couldn't get my mouth around it.
NOTE:
Please do not read if you are easily offended by
racial jokes.
A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in
a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the
store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and
there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband
yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard
of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else
I can wear."
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume
and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes
to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman
costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you
doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back
and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the
husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed
are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the
second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The
husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the
three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino.
If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on
and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT idea, you can
shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"
