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God Bless America!, Features Ebonic Jokes, Buckwheat & Darla, Miss Ebonics U.S.A, Mable,

Rectum...I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady rectum both. When you thought you heard them all we broke the rules! New Jokes added everyday!

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The teacher asked her class to use the word choo-choo in a sentence. First she called on Alice who said "The choo-choo pulled the train up the hill and down the hill."

"Good," the teacher replied. Next she turned to Leroy and said, "Please use choo-choo in a sentence."

"The choo-choo be chugging real fast."

"All right," said the teacher. Then she asked, "Armondo, can you use the word choo-choo in a sentence?"

Armondo says, "You touch my car an I'll choo-choo."

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Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla "How do you spell 'dumb'?"

Darla says "d-u-m-b, dumb" The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence."

She says "Buckwheat is dumb"

Now spell "stupid". Darla says "s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid". The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence."

Darla says "Buckwheat is stupid."

Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says "Buckwheat, spell dictate."

Buckwheat stands and says "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate". The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence."

"I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla say my dictate good!"

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A High School student in Oakland, California, received a homework assignment in his Ebonics Class. All he had to do was put each of the following words in a sentence. This is what he did:

1. Rectum...I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady rectum both.

2. Hotel...I gave my girlfriend the crabs, and the hotel everybody.

3. Odyssey..I tol' my bro, you odyssey the jugs on dis hoe.

4. Stain...My mother-in-law axed if I was stain fo dinner again.

5. Seldom...My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game, so I seldom.

6. Penis...I went to a doctor and he gave a cup and said penis.

7. Catacomb...Don King was at the fight the other night. Man, somebody give that catacomb.

8. Foreclose...If I pay alimony this month I'll have no money foreclose.

9. Undermine...There a fine lookin' hoe in the apartment undermine.

10. Disappointment...My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the bighouse.

11. Income...I jus' got in bed wit de hoe, and income my wife.

12. Honor...At the rape trial, the judge axed my bro' who be honor first?

13. Fortify...I axed the hoe how much, and she say fortify.

14. Israel...Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex; I said man, that looks fake; he say, no, Israel.

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Photo Session

Two black women were getting their pictures taken and While the cameraman was adjusting the camera, one of the women asked "Yo Lavanda, Whas he doin?. The other replied, "He gonna Focus", then the other said, "You mean the bofus?


Q: Why were there only 49 contestants for the "Miss Ebonics U.S.A." Pageant?
A: No contestant wanted to wear a banner that said "Idaho"!

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Ebolympic Games

Opening Ceremonies
The Torching of the Olympic City
Gang Colors Parade

Track and Field
Rob, Shoot & Run
9MM Pistol Toss
Molitov Cocktail Throw
Barbed Wire Roll
Chain Link Fence Climb
White Peoplechase
Monkey Bar Race

100 Yard Dog Dash (100 Yard Dash While Being Chased By Police Dog)
200 Yard Trash Can Hurdles
500 Yard Stolen Car Battery Run
1000 Meter Courtroom Relay - (Team of 4 Defendants
race from courtroom to courtroom, passing the murder
weapon to one another without being caught by District
1500 Meter Television Set Relay
1 Mile Richard Pryor Burning Ether Run
5 Mile High Speed Automobile Chase

Bitch Slapping - (Winner determined by number of bruises
inflicted on white woman in three 1 minute rounds)

Ebo-Marathon (26 Mile Long Distance Run While Evading
Blood Hounds)
Ebo-Decathlon (Timed competition, consisting of the
following 10 Events)
* Rob Liquor Store
* Guzzle 1 Fifth of Fortified Wine
* Drink 6-Pack of Old English 800
* Steal 1 BMW
* Commit 1 Car Jacking
* Have Sex With Prostitute
* Pimp Girlfriend to Family Member
* Complete 1 Drug Deal
* Remove Serial #s From 1 Stolen Gun
* 1 Additional Felony of Choice

10 Meter Dumpster Dive
100 Yard Free Style Handcuff Swim
Synchronized Underwater Blackarena

Winter Events
Ebo-Biathlon (Drive-by & Shoot)
All Other Winter Events Canceled (Considered too Cold)

Miscellaneous Events
Graffiti Wall Painting
Name Your Father (Canceled, Considered too Difficult)
Lying To Police (Canceled, Considered too Easy)
Welfare Fraud (Canceled, Considered a Lifestyle, Not an Event)

Closing Ceremonies
Grand Finale Firearms Display & Gang War Shoot Out

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Ebonics Translations

A few terms to help you get started on your merry
way towards the ve-nak-u-lar...

Ebonics: "Damn- that s**t is DOPE!"
English: That is a wonderful concept/object/action.

Ebonics: ģI can't FADE that!"
English: I am unable to hande this at this time.

Ebonics: "Shante ain't HAVIN' it!"
English: This is not something that Shante will allow
to occur..

Ebonics: "Homey- Boo was dropping PHAT beats."
English: Our friend Boo was playing some wonderful music.

Ebonics: "YO!- Let me GAFFLE that BLUNT!"
English: Might I be able to indulge in your marijuana

Ebonics: "JIMMY was on and I was HITTIN' it!"
English: I had in my posession a condom, which was used
in my engagement of sexual activity.

Ebonics: "What's up? Why you ALL UP IN my s**t!?!"
English: Please sir/madam- stay out of my affairs.

Ebonics: "She is HELLA' CLOWIN' you HOMEY!"
English: The woman is creatively informing you that her
interest in dating you is non-existant at this time.

Ebonics: "Woooooo- Renaldo was PITCHIN' STRAIGHT GAME
to baby-doll, and it was SMOOOOOOOVE!"
English: Renaldo was creatively inquiring as to the
marital status of the female, with the intention of asking
her on a date.

Ebonics: "STEP OFF Cool- before I bust PHAT CAPS in your A**
with my NEENER..."
English: It would be beneficial to your physical state to
leave this area, as i will soon be encouraged by your
disrespect towards me shoot bullets into your fanny with
my 9mm pistola.

Ebonics: "Why is 5-OH always BUGGIN'!?!"
English: Why are the police officers always worried?

Ebonics: "Friday night- COLD CHILLIN' with a 40 and a BLUNT."
English: It is Friday eve, and I am leisurely enjoying a
forty ounce bottle of malt liquor and a marijuana cigarette.

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Ebonics Prayer


No doubt some Bible societies will feel compelled
to publish a newtranslation of the Holy Scriptures
in the newly discovered language of Ebonics. Here's
a head start for them:

Ebonics: Big Daddy's Rap
English: The Lord's Prayer

Ebonics: Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs,
English: Our father, who art in heaven

Ebonics: You be chillin
English: Hallowed be thy name

Ebonics: So be yo hood
English: Thy Kingdom come

Ebonics: You be sayin' it, I be doin' it
English: Thy will be done

Ebonics: In this here hood and yo's
English: On earth as it is in heaven

Ebonics: Gimme some eats
English: Give us this day our daily bread

Ebonics: And cut me some slack, Blood
English: And forgive us our trespasses

Ebonics: Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me
English: As we forgive those who trespasses against us

Ebonics: Don't be pushing me into no jive
English: And lead us not into temptation

Ebonics: And keep dem Crips away
English: But deliver us from evil

Ebonics: 'Cause you always be da Man
English: For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory

Ebonics: Aaa-men
English: Amen

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Nursery Rhymez

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full;
One for the master,
And one for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

Yo! Yo! Ebony Sheep,
Got some wool?
Yea man, yea man,
Three dim bags done full;
One be fo da masta,
And one be fo yo mama,
An one be fo da little homey dat libs down da screet.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

Jack an Jill
Hip-hoppin up da hill
To fetch da pail of wada.
Jack be felt down
An busted he crown
An Jill be tumblin too.
Three blind mice, three blind mice.
See how they run! See how they run!
They all ran after a farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife.
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?

Tree blin mice, tree blin mice.
Dim suckers be runnin! Dim suckers be runnin!
Da all run atta dis white man wife,
She done whacked dare tail wid a carvin knift.
Whassup, you eva see anythang dat bad in yo life
As three blind mice?

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Top 10 Ebonics Words and Phrases

10. Ax not whut ya' country be doin fo' ya', but whut yo ass be doin fo yo country. Slap mah fro!

9. Dat damn Cabbadge Padch Kid be eatin mah'z dreads.

8. Be dere sump'n me duzn't git about Fuh'rinay Sho'e?

7. AOL always be busy. Slap mah fro!

6. Yo Yo Ma. Sheeeiit.

5. Pardon me, do ya' gots' any Grey Poupon?

4. We kin re-build him. 'S coo', bruh. (Oops, dat's BI-onics).

3. Yo, dat plantationy Clinton sho kin feed da bud a lot uh fries!

2. Yo, da Jets be suckin'.

1. Oprah be phat.


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