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A Italian man walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid

is spinning a 25 cent piece in the air and catching it between his

teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at

just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and

lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in

the face and the Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable  Italian man in a gray suit is sitting at a

coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of

coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup

down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the

counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across

the market.

Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but just barely) the Italian man

carefully takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but

firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up

the 25 cent piece, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing

the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his

seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects,

the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.

The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's thanks. As the

man is about to leave, the father asks one last question: "I've never

seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are

you, a surgeon or something like that?"

"Oh, good heavens, no", the man replies, "I work for the IRS."

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Two Italian guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state

trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with

The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives

the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on

the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him

The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I

wish that guy would've tried that crap with me!

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An Italian architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing

whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The Italian  architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid

foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each

assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to

the lab and get some work done."

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 An old Italian man and woman were married for years even

 though they hated each other. When they had a

 confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep

 into the night. A constant statement was heard by the

 neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I

 will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and

 haunt you for the rest of your life!"

 They believed he practiced black magic and was

 responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange

 sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the

 respect it garnished.

 He died abruptly under strange circumstances and

 the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the

 wife went straight to the local bar and began to party

 as if there was no tomorrow.

 The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme

 while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these

 questions: Are you not worried? Concerned? Afraid?

 of this man who practiced black magic and stated when he

 died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to

 come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

 The wife put down her drink and said..."let the

 old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."

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A Italian  buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he

announces, his wife has just produced "a typical Italian  " baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of  "WOW!"

was heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains Two weeks later, he  returns

to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Italian  

baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The  proud

weighed 25 pounds at birth." The Italian  father takes a slow swig from his

long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in

to the  bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

 Wine her,

 Dine her,

 Call her,

 Hug her,

 Support her,

 Hold her,

 Surprise her,

 Compliment her,

 Smile at her,

 Listen to her,

 Laugh with her,

 Cry with her,

 Romance her,

 Believe in her,

 Cuddle with her,

 Shop with her,

 Give her jewelry,

 Buy her flowers,

 Hold her hand,

 Write love letters to her,

 Go to the end of the earth and back again

 for her.

 Show up naked,

 Bring Beer.

"Hello" Says a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, it's Daddy, "Says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"

 "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

 After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"  

"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"

 "Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run

 upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle

 Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."

 "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."  "And what happened?"

 "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around

 screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell down the steps and

 "Oh my god... And what about Uncle Frank?"

 "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and

 he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have

 forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he

 hit the bottom of the swimming pool and is just lying there, not moving.

 He may be dead too."  There is a long pause, then Bob says, "Swimming pool?"

 Is this 854-7039?"

A man was leaving a 7-11 with his morning coffee and newspaper when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man

walking a pitbull on a leash. Behind him were 200 men walking single file.

The guy couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said "Sir, I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

"Sir, could I borrow that dog?"

"Get in line."