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Jones: "The Chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Years Day."
Smith: "So I understand, but, then again, the Chinese don't have a Christmas the week before."
A single Chinese man owns a Chinese restaurant, and one day a beautiful Chinese woman walks in. He immediately walks over and asks her out on a date. She agrees. They go out for a while, and soon, the man proposes to her. She says "Yes, but before we do, there's something you must know. I have never had the sex, but I've read about it." He says that it's not a problem, and they are married.
On their honeymoon, the man tells his wife that since she's a virgin, she can choose what they do first. She says "Oh, most honorable husband. I am honored to be your wife, even though I have never had the sex, but I've read about it. So, I have chosen to have the 69.
The husband looks confused, and after thinking about it, he says "You want.. the beef and broccoli?"
Hiya lang lui!
An old mouse chanced to see a cat wearing a few beads round her neck.
"Ah," said the mouse with joy, "that cat has turned vegetarian."
Thereupon, he brought his offspring along to pay a call on the cat to express their gratitude. No sooner had they appeared than the cat gave a deep howl and devoured several mice in rapid succession. The old mouse turned tail in the nick of time and made good his escape.
Sticking out his tongue, he cried: "My, my! That pussy is even more ferocious after turning vegetarian."
A Chinese lady married a pilot and they had a baby. One day he had to fly to another state with a couple of other pilots. His wife was going to China so he had to take the baby with him. On the plane the baby was getting really annoying. The pilot said, "We have to jump or we will have no chance to make it." They decided to leave the baby on the plane. One guy jumps out then the next one then the Dad. The 1st guy got to the bottom and he sees the baby. The man said, "How did you get down her so fast. We left you up there." The baby replied, "Me Chinese me not dumb me hold on to daddy's bumb he goes tooot I go zoom that's how I got down so soon."
A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed, climbed into bed, and went at it. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and commenced a repeat performance.
The hooker was impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and started again!
The hooker was amazed at this sequence. During the fifth encounter, she decided to try it herself. When they were done she jumped up, went to the window and took a deep breath of fresh air, dove under the bed to find 4 other Chinese men.
How do Chinese parents name their kids?
The parents take a couple of dishes with them and head upstairs. They reach the top of the stairs and throw the dishes downstairs.
"man who run in front of car
LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE...
Ai Bang Mai Ne I bumped into the coffee table Ar U Wun Tu A gay liberation greeting Chin Tu Fat You need a face lift Dum Gai A stupid person Gun Pao Der An ancient Chinese invention Hu Flung Dung Which one of you fertilized the field? Hu Yu Hai Ding We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive Jan Ne Ka Sun A former late night talk show host Kum Hia Approach me Lao Ze Sho Gilligan's Island Lao Zi Not very good Lin Ching An illegal execution Moon Lan Ding Achievement of the American space program Ne Ahn A lighting fixture used in advertising signs Shai Gai A bashful person Tai Ne Bae Be A premature infant Tai Ne Po Ne A small horse Ten Ding Ba Serving drinks to people Wan Bum Lung A person with T.B. Yu Mai Te Tan Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you Wa Shing Kah Cleaning an automobile Wai So Dim Are you trying to save electricity? Wai U Shao Ting There is no reason to raise your voice Si-Ling Fan A device to keep you cool Sum Dum Fuk Irritating drivers
A -La - Carte
1. Cream Sum Yung Guy... Women
1. Sum Yung Chick....Sweet and
1.. Goo in Hand..............For
those dining alone
A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse."
The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.
Desperate he thought, "Why don't I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises"
So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub."
The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?"
The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."
A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it's being born."
The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why don't you know what color the child is going to be?"
"Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I'm a porno actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is."
"OK", says the doctor, "I'll do it for you but it is most unusual." The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, "Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?"
"Yes, doctor he was.", says the woman.
"Wait", says the doctor," The chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?"
"Yes, doctor he was." "Wait, now the legs are out and they're brown. Was one of the actors Asian?"
"Yes, doctor he was." So the doctor pulls the baby free and gives it the traditional slap on the back. The baby lets out a healthy "Waaaahh" and starts crying.
"Oh, thank God for that!", says the woman, "For a moment there, I expected it to bark!"