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Jones: "The Chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Years Day."

Smith: "So I understand, but, then again, the Chinese don't have a Christmas the week before."


Back To Joke Page.

A single Chinese man owns a Chinese restaurant, and one day a beautiful Chinese woman walks in. He immediately walks over and asks her out on a date. She agrees. They go out for a while, and soon, the man proposes to her. She says "Yes, but before we do, there's something you must know. I have never had the sex, but I've read about it." He says that it's not a problem, and they are married.

On their honeymoon, the man tells his wife that since she's a virgin, she can choose what they do first. She says "Oh, most honorable husband. I am honored to be your wife, even though I have never had the sex, but I've read about it. So, I have chosen to have the 69. 

The husband looks confused, and after thinking about it, he says "You want.. the beef and broccoli?"


Back To Joke Page.

Hiya lang lui!
Hi lang jai!
Want to ride in my Honda?
Sure lang jai!
Jump in!

*I'm a Chinese girl, in a Chinese world
Eating wonton, it's perfection
I have light brown hair, Sanrio everywhere
Frustration, in my generation.

Come on bb, let's go drink tea.

I'm a Chinese girl, in a Chinese world
Playing mahjong, nothing is wrong
I have tons of flares, tight shirts everywhere
Looking cocky, just can't stop me.

I'm Chinese, Asian girl, in a white-people world
Egg foo young, just for fun, I do laundry.

You're so tall, Chinese doll, eat some jook and chow mein,
No FOBS here, egg rolls there, fortune cookie.

Eat cha siu, eat bok choi, you can say I love Sam's club.

Repeat *

Come on bb, let's go drink tea.
Ai ai ai yah.
Come on bb, let's go drink tea.
Ooh ooh

Make me cook, make me clean, do whatever is mean
I can do some kung-fu, I have loads of bamboo.

Come jump in, let's play pool, cruise around just again,
Look and stare, dye your hair, rent some movies.

Gung jai mein, I'm jook seng, I go to the library
Bot paw girls are so jean, you can say I grow string beans.

Repeat*

Oh, that guy, kui tai mut gwai?
Well lang lui, I'll use my martial arts.
Oh I love you lang jai!


Back To Joke Page.

An old mouse chanced to see a cat wearing a few beads round her neck.

"Ah," said the mouse with joy, "that cat has turned vegetarian."

Thereupon, he brought his offspring along to pay a call on the cat to express their gratitude. No sooner had they appeared than the cat gave a deep howl and devoured several mice in rapid succession. The old mouse turned tail in the nick of time and made good his escape. 

Sticking out his tongue, he cried: "My, my! That pussy is even more ferocious after turning vegetarian."


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A Chinese lady married a pilot and they had a baby. One day he had to fly to another state with a couple of other pilots. His wife was going to China so he had to take the baby with him. On the plane the baby was getting really annoying. The pilot said, "We have to jump or we will have no chance to make it." They decided to leave the baby on the plane. One guy jumps out then the next one then the Dad. The 1st guy got to the bottom and he sees the baby. The man said, "How did you get down her so fast. We left you up there." The baby replied, "Me Chinese me not dumb me hold on to daddy's bumb he goes tooot I go zoom that's how I got down so soon."


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A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed, climbed into bed, and went at it. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and commenced a repeat performance.

The hooker was impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and started again!

The hooker was amazed at this sequence. During the fifth encounter, she decided to try it herself. When they were done she jumped up, went to the window and took a deep breath of fresh air, dove under the bed to find 4 other Chinese men.


Back To Joke Page.

How do Chinese parents name their kids?

The parents take a couple of dishes with them and head upstairs. They reach the top of the stairs and throw the dishes downstairs.

"CHING!!! CHONG!!!"


 

Back To Joke Page.

ConFuSciouS SayS:

"man who run in front of car get tired"
"man who run behind car get exhausted"
"man with one hand in pocket not neccessarily jingling change"
"To prevent hangover stay drunk!"
"Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of fly."
"Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
"Man who walk thru airport turnstyle sideways going to BANGkok."
"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
"Penis put in vacuum cleaner get sucked off."
"Woman who eat banana get cream in mouth."
"Man trapped in whore house get jerked around."
"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
"Man with tool in woman's mouth, not necessarily a dentist."
"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
"Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."
"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
"Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock."
"Man who pull out too fast leave rubber."
"A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish,
but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts."
"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"
"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."
"Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."
"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"
"If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."
"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
"Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."
"Man who bounce woman on bed spring this spring have offspring next
spring."
"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"
"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"
"People who live in plexi-glass houses should not throw abrasive
cleansers."
"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement"
"Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with problem
in hand"
"People who make Confucious joke speak bad English."
"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."


Back To Joke Page.

LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE...

Ai Bang Mai Ne           I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu              A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat              You need a face lift
Dum Gai                  A stupid person
Gun Pao Der              An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung            Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding           We have reason to believe you are harboring a
                           fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun            A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia                  Approach me
Lao Ze Sho               Gilligan's Island
Lao Zi                   Not very good
Lin Ching                An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding            Achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn                   A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai                 A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be            A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne             A small horse
Ten Ding Ba              Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung             A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan            Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah             Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim               Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting          There is no reason to raise your voice
Si-Ling Fan              A device to keep you cool
Sum Dum Fuk              Irritating drivers

Back To Joke Page.

A -La - Carte

1. Cream Sum Yung Guy... Women love it
2. Cum Drop Soup ........... Same as above, but no MSG
3. Suc Sum Tit ................. Chef's favorite Luncheon

Suculent Specials

1. Sum Yung Chick....Sweet and delicious
2. Sum Dum Fuc .......Same as #1 but without brains
3. Wong Hong Lo......Chinese sausage with 2 meatballs
4. Suc Mi Pork..........Mostly white meat for light eaters
5. Suc Mi Dork.........Mostly dark meat for big eaters

Dinner Combinations

1.. Goo in Hand..............For those dining alone
2.. Suc Mi Wang............Traditional Chinese sausage
3.. Cum Too Soon..........Order early! These go fast!
4.. Sum Dum Chick........Always a low cost favorite
5.. Fuc Mei Slo..............Takes 2 hours to prepare
6.. Lik Mi Clit................A lip smacking Oriental treat
7.. Goo Wee Chick........No extra charge for sloppy seconds
8.. Yung Poon Tang.......Fresh daily
9.. Too Can Choo..........Includes sausage and fish for two
10.. Wai Too Yung........Not available on school nights
11.. Fuc Sum Now.........Raw fish for those in a hurry
12.. Tung Sum Chick......Chef's Special
13.. Sum Gulp Twat.......Low-cal diet special
14.. Bang Ho Face.........Served sitting down
15.. Bang Ho Butt..........Served with warm oil and jelly
16.. Hoo Flung Poo.......Lobster bibs & raincoats provided

Back To Joke Page.

A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse."

The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.

Desperate he thought, "Why don't I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises"

So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub."

The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?"

The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."

Back To Joke Page.


A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it's being born." 

The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why don't you know what color the child is going to be?" 

"Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I'm a porno actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is." 

"OK", says the doctor, "I'll do it for you but it is most unusual." The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, "Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?" 

"Yes, doctor he was.", says the woman. 

"Wait", says the doctor," The chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?"

 "Yes, doctor he was." "Wait, now the legs are out and they're brown. Was one of the actors Asian?"

 "Yes, doctor he was." So the doctor pulls the baby free and gives it the traditional slap on the back. The baby lets out a healthy "Waaaahh" and starts crying. 

"Oh, thank God for that!", says the woman, "For a moment there, I expected it to bark!"

 

 

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